Author Archives: Nickoli Ayers

About Nickoli Ayers

Jesus Loves me. I love Jesus. Jesus Loves people. I love people.

The Redness of Subversion

Man’s eyes both open and shut in response to love. Is it true that to reopen eyes after being firmly shut is like ripping a seal from between the eye and its inner lid? Desperate attempts to open eyes find it to be an impossibility. Prolonged attempts and copious techniques fall short.  The pain of loss, grief, and the ugly side of love completely shattered old vision. Once shut eyes are accepted as normal, closure becomes more solidified as time passes. The memories of vision slowly fade, for the mind can only grasp images for so long until the idea of image becomes superfluous. The realization that what was sight simply wasn’t. It is and was foolishness. Meaningless chatter develops into sects of thought. In due time outright verbal war begins its pursuit with its completion resulting in the certainty that vision is illusion.

Man’s eyes both open and shut in response to love. A slight Redness intrudes. Not terribly bright. Only bright enough to awaken something new. . . or long lost. Where this is seems important and what to do about it brings concern. Little opaque floating… lines or things move up and down a wall of dark red. Trying to follow these little lines seems useless as they bounce away at each attempt. The redness comes and goes, sometimes brighter and sometimes darker. Searching desperately for an answer yet coming up with more questions has become routine. A routine which slowly brings madness. I attempt for so long and search so deep but the absurdity of the redness never fully fades. The meaningless chatter now seems unbiased. How? I can hold back no longer. The painful yet remarkable light forces my eyelids open. Memories rush back. Vision quickly comes into focus. The lack of ripping between eye and lid is bewildering. Was a seal ever there? Memories of blindness vanish. I realize that what I thought was reality was absurd. The beauty of vision has reawakened.

Subversion as healing through love, hope and beauty.

Categories: Theology | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mind Militia #3

“Do you really mean to tell me the only reason you try to be good is to gain God’s approval and reward, or to avoid his disapproval and punishment? That’s not morality, that’s just sucking up, apple-polishing, looking over your shoulder at the great surveillance camera in the sky, or the still small wiretap inside your head, monitoring your every move, even your every base thought.”
Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion

Why do I try to be Good? Why do Christians strive to do right? Why do Christians seek righteousness?

I could not agree more with this quote from Dawkins. A Christian whose only reason to be good, is to gain God’s approval or try to escape punishment is a self centered being with fear only for their own soul. The irony is that this is where many Christians begin their relationship with Christ. Christ can use the self centered sinful inclination of man to bring them to him. Once a man chooses the path of Christ, revelation is bound to happen. The mental acknowledgement of the truth of the gospel brings man into a loving relationship with his creator. Now instead of serving to gain “stuff” in  heaven you serve because you are in a loving relationship with God.  A Christ followers motive may begin out of a selfish want for unholy things. But as the relationship deepens, the Christian learns from both the word and experience that the good he does comes from Christ himself and not from his own ability. Any person that enters the Kingdom of Heaven out of want for material possessions will be sorely disappointed as it will be the least of the concerns of all the inhabitants. Surely there will be no disappointed people in God’s kingdom for these material loving people will not exist there. The reward/storing up riches in heaven is not for material possessions but is an increase in an immaterial foundational relationship. Are there golden roads and great mansions waiting for those who trust in the lord or are these biblical scriptures on heaven metaphors for something greater. I do not know and to be honest don’t care because in the end those things, material things, if real, will be of little importance in comparison to our fully restored being and connection to our father. Everything else is meaningless in comparison. Dawkins has a skewed view of God. His words are poison. His mind is fallen. His anti-theism is to simple.

“That is why the Christian is in a different position from people who are trying to be good. They hope, by being good, to please God if there is one; or-if they think there is not at least they hope to deserve approval from good men. But the Christian thinks any good he does comes from the Christ-life inside him. He does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because he loves us; just as the roof of a greenhouse does not attract the sun because it is bright, but becomes bright because the sun shines on it.” C. S. Lewis (Mere Christianity)

Categories: Theology | Leave a comment

Mind Militia #2

“Nick, when you’re 40 you will regret what you’re doing. You are going to wish you went and made something of yourself, save money and own things. You could have a career. You could have done something with your life! Not just being a volunteer.”

For those of you who do not know what I do. I volunteer at a non-profit coffee shop that gives a some of its profits to help educate children in Nicaragua who otherwise would not receive a quality education. I do not receive a salary. I live off of the support of friends and family who believe in the mission I am working for. However after this statement from a customer, my world is wrecked. I have decided to give up my philosophy on life. This customer was completely correct and I can’t believe I couldn’t see it before.

I have to make something of myself. I need to go back to school, I need to get a degree in something that matters and I need to find a high paying job in the United States and start saving. I have to do this if I want to make something of myself. In the process I will search hard to find a good intelligent attractive woman to be my wife so that when I produce offspring they may also be intelligent and become important individuals. I need to invest in stocks and IRA’s so I can make enough money to send all my children to school so they, just like me, will become successful and make something of themselves. I have already wasted 10 years of my life serving and serving and serving when I should have been working and working and working to advance my income, my stature, and my seed. So its time for a change of pace.

“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Matthew 6:24

“For the love of money is at the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows.” 1 Timothy 6:10

“Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 3:19

“Say a couple have scores of children and live a long, long life but never enjoy themselves—even though they end up with a big funeral! I’d say that a stillborn baby gets the better deal. It gets its start in a mist and ends up in the dark—unnamed. It sees nothing and knows nothing, but is better off by far than anyone living.” Ecclesiastes 6:3

“Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be.” Matthew 6:21

When I heard this statement written in the beginning from this customer I believe I laughed. Im not sure if it was out loud or just an, “in my head chuckle” which happens often. It still catches me of guard that the majority of the world believes I’m crazy. But it is not me who is the crazy one. At the end of all things. When this world vanishes, with its flaky ever changing philosophies. When death finally retires because its work is done. Nothing will remain. No money. No status. No things. Not even a great amount of children will bring you purpose. The only thing that will matter, and the only thing that should matter now is: Are you a follower of Christ and are you submitted to God’s will.

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.” Mark 8:34-39

Categories: Theology, Utila | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at